The Sorting Hat: Kill la Kill Edition
by Latham02
Summary: It's the first day of the new school year, and it's time to sort all the students into the Houses they will spend the next seven years of their lives in. This story will be a character analysis of most of the characters from Kill la Kill as I place them each into a different house based on their personality. If you have any ideas for other "Sorting Hat" stories, let me know.


**A/N Hey everyone, this is the first in the "Sorting Hat" series, where I take established franchises and place their characters into different Hogwarts houses. If you have any suggestions for future stories, or disagree with any of the choices I made, feel free to let me know!**

* * *

"There it, Satsuki-chan; our new school" Nonon Jakuzure whispered as their lamp lit boat came into view of Hogwarts. The school's towering spires and mysterious lights sent most of the new first-year students into an a state of awe, but not Satsuki Kiryuun.

"Hmmph. It will do to serve our purposes" Satsuki said with much more scorn her voice than any twelve-year-old should have.

The only other student who wasn't impressed was Ryuko Matoi a few boats over, who merely looked at the school with anger and distain.

"Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" Ryuko said out loud to herself, grasping the magic scissor blade tucked into her pocket. "Something tells me I'm going to find some answers here".

Sitting in the next boat over, however, was someone who was even more awestruck than most students. Mako Mankanshoku stared up at the castle with wide eyes and her mouth gaping open. After staring at the school for several minutes, she couldn't help but burst into cheers.

"Oh my god, this is so awesome! I actually get to learn magic! And not that cheap kind of magic my brother does to scam people, real, actual magic!" Mako cried at the top of her lungs. "I didn't even know that magic was real until a few days ago!"

"What is she doing?" Nonon said to Satsuki. "Doesn't she know what people do to mud-bloods around here?"

Satsuki kept staring off into the distance, her long black hair and school robes blowing in the wind. "She'll learn soon enough" Satsuki said calmly.

"Oh my gosh, they even have their own pet squid!" yelled Mako.

This immediately got the other students' attention, as they watched horrified as the lake's giant squid raise its tentacles out of the water. Instead of attacking Mako, however, it patted her on the head and nuzzled her lovingly.

"Aww, he's so cute" said Mako, nuzzling back until one of the tentacles reached under her robe and brushed against her panties. "Eep! And friendly too!"

* * *

Once they hit the shore on the other side, all the firsties were shuffled into the great hall and the headmaster, a timeworn man with a long beard named Dumbledore, began his welcome speech. He introduced all the teachers, explained what they'd all be learning in Hogwarts, and what students were and weren't allowed to do. To most of the students, however, this was just padding to the main event; the sorting hat.

"…well, I can tell when tell when an old man is no longer welcome talking, so without further ado, it's time to be sorted into your houses" Dumbledore said, eliciting cheers from all the students in the room. "Do we have any volunteers?"

"Let's just get this over with" said Ryuko.

The girl with short black hair and red highlights walked along the incredibly long tables of the great hall before walking up the steps to a chair next to an older witch holding the legendary Sorting Hat. Ryuko sat down and the pointy cap was placed on her head.

Instantly, the Sorting Hat began searching through Ryuko's thoughts and memories, and the living piece of cloth quickly noticed a pattern. The girl it was sitting on had a strong sense of justice, and a complete distain for authority figures.

"This one is going to be trouble, I'd keep an eye on her if I were you" the Sorting Hat said to Dumbledore. "But her placement is quite clear…Gryffindor!"

Immediately the Gryffindor table broke out into cheers and Ryuko got up to take a seat beside her new house. The next person to volunteer was Mako, who ran up to the chair excitedly.

"That's so cool! Me next! Me next!" she shouted, bouncing up and down.

Once she calmed down enough to sit, the Sorting Hat fit snuggly over Mako's brown bowl cut and it began judging her. For the first time in years, the sorting hat was assaulting with so many strange images and thoughts in the girl's head that it had trouble concentrating.

"Ugh, I've never been on a head so simultaneously full and empty at the same time. I think I'm going to be sick" it said, trying to keep itself together.

Eventually the Sorting Hat was able to notice a constant thought within Mako's head; more than anything else, she wanted a friend. It wasn't much, but the Sorting Hat didn't want to be on Mako any longer than it had to be.

"Hufflepuff!" it said, happy to have gotten that over with.

The next person to step forward was a gigantic half Japanese, half black, and with blond hair. Ira Gamagoori was only fifteen years old (unusually old for a first year student), but he was already two meters tall. When he sat down in the chair to be sorted, they actually had to get a footstool to put the hat on his head.

"Now this one is very strong" said the Sorting Hat. "Not just in physique, but also in will and undying loyalty to his friends. The choice is obvious…Hufflepuff!"

The Hufflepuff table burst into cheers as Ira stood up from his seat and walked towards them. Mako waved at him and motioned for Ira to take a seat next to her.

"Welcome to Hufflepuff!" said Mako, her spirits still unbelievably high. "We're going to have so much fun together, I can already tell".

The next to step forward was a muscular boy with short dark hair; Uzu Sanageyama. He strode up so confidently to the Sorting Hat that it was if he owned the place.

"Ah! Now this is an arrogant one" said the sorting hat. "If he were anymore hotheaded about his abilities, I'd be cooked alive. This one belongs in…Gryffindor!"

Uzu got up without a word and strolled over to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to Ryuko. Ryuko could somehow tell that, even though they were in the same house, the two of them wouldn't be getting along very well.

The next person to walk up was a much skinnier boy with glasses and blue hair. Houka Inumuta didn't look at the sorting hat with nearly as much interest as the others, since he had already predicted with 95% certainty what house he was going to be placed into.

When the Sorting Hat searched through his mind, it saw an unprecedented appreciation for learning. Not only that, he also wanted to study things for studying's sake, and couldn't resist the lure of a good problem.

"This one is also quite arrogant, but I think the he would do best in…" said the Sorting Hat. "…Ravenclaw!"

The Ravenclaw table was very excited to get their first new student of the night and they eagerly welcomed Houka as he approached their table.

Nonon Jakuzure, a very short girl with long pink hair, was the next to approach the chair. While she was outwardly putting on an air of confidence and relaxation, Nonon was actually quite nervous. Although she'd never say it out loud, she desperately wanted to be placed in the same house as Satsuki, was terrified that they might be sorted differently.

The Sorting Hat hadn't sorted Satsuki yet, so it couldn't take that into consideration even if it wanted to. Instead it searched Jakuzure's mind and that found the girl not only enjoyed, but found glee in hurting and manipulating others. She saw herself as above nearly everyone else on the planet, save for Satsuki, and had grand ambitions that already extended far beyond the Hogwarts castle walls.

"My, quite the feisty one this is" said the Sorting Hat. "It is clear that she belongs in…Slytherin!"

"Oh course" Nonon said sarcastically. "Put the snake in Slytherin. That's original".

The next person to approach the chair was a boy, though it was hard to tell just by looking at him. Shiro Iori's long blond hair and skinny body often got him mistaken for a girl, though he didn't really care; idiots would always be idiots.

When the Sorting Hat started searching through his mind, it was quickly clear that Shrio was not going to be placed into Gryffindor. He didn't like fighting, being the center of attention, and didn't have a strong moral compass. For a moment the hat considered placing him in Ravenclaw for his ingenious mind, but that didn't quite fit either. The only reason he knew how to use magic so well was to help his friends, which helped the hat reach a final decision.

"This one was a bit trickier, but I feel as though he belongs in…Hufflepuff!" shouted the Sorting Hat.

"One side, everyone; it's my turn" came a voice from the crowd.

Out of the crowd stepped Kaneo Takara, a boy with big glasses, red hair, and a golden grill on his upper teeth that said "Money" on it. Everyone in the room, including the Sorting Hat, thought immediately someone as pompous and greedy as Takara would end up in Slytherin. The thoughts in his head seemed to tell a different story, however.

Yeah, he was greedy, but he wasn't completely selfish. He believed that there was a greater good, and he was even willing to spend all his money to support that greater good. Still, that wasn't what tipped the scale away from Slytherin.

"You honestly believe you're hot stuff, don't you?" asked the Sorting Hat.

"Of course I do!" Kaneo yelled back. "I'm only one of the richest kids in the world".

The hat wasn't sure if it was his stupidity or a sense of valor, but either way, the kid was completely fearless.

"Well the, I suppose the only place for you would be…Gryffindor!" yelled the Sorting Hat.

Kaneo was only slightly disappointed; he'd have preferred Slytherin, but at least he didn't end up in Hufflepuff with the commoners.

"That's good, I suppose" Gryffindor teacher Aikuro Mikisugi thought to himself. "We'll be able to work together more easily then if he and Ryuko are both in Gryffindor".

* * *

About an hour later and only two students were left. The one currently sitting in the seat was Maiko Ogure, a girl with short black hair and bright red eyes.

"Ah, this one is very cunning and tricky. She can only be a part of…Slytherin!" shouted the Sorting Hat. Maiko eagerly ran over to her new table. Now the only one left was Satsuki Kiryuin.

As the tall girl with long black hair approached the Sorting Hat, her face reflected neither fear nor anticipation; just indifference.

"It's quite interesting that you chose to go last" the Sorting Hat said on Satsuki's head. "Why did you do that?"

"Because it doesn't matter what house I am placed into" said Satsuki. "I will crush my enemies regardless of what useless label to place upon me. No one can stand in my way".

It was easy to see why Nonon looked upon Satsuki so highly. Her mind was filled with all kinds of emotions, but they were all trumped by one placed at the forefront; ambition. Satsuki thought about achieving her pursuit of power and nothing else, and she would use everything and everyone available to her to get that power.

"Yes, then I suppose you wouldn't mind being placed into…Slytherin!" shouted the Sorting Hat.

Nonon could barely contain her excitement, so she didn't even try. She and the rest of the Slytherins cried out in joy as the future queen of the school approached their table. Satsuki was already formulating how to make the Slytherins all bend to her will.

"Alright, is there anyone else who has not been sorted?" called out one of the professors. "Where is Tsumugu Kinagase?"

Everyone looked around but no one by that name could be found. Disconcerted, the teachers decided they'd have to search the school grounds for him after the ceremony.

"Alright, now that you're all in your houses…" Dumbledore began, but he was quickly interrupted.

"Oh wait, don't forget about me!" cried someone from the back of the room.

Standing there in the doorway of the main hall was a short blonde haired girl with a smile on her face and a purple eye patch on her right eye was a short. Her hair consisted of two impossibly long pig tails, and the pink boots under her school robes really stood out. She walked to the front of the main hall gleefully and sat herself down in the sorting chair without being asked.

"And who might you be?" asked Dumbledore.

"I'm Nui Harime, and I just got transferred to this school" she said, bright smile still on her face. "Here's my note from Ragyo Kiryuin to prove it".

Dumbledore looked at the note she handed him and quickly received a grave look on his face.

"Very well then" said the old man, trying not to sound terrified. "Let's get you sorted".

When placed on Nui's head, the Sorting Hat immediately let out a cry of pain. Something about this girl's body seemed to physically harm the hat, but it tried its best to do its job anyway. That, as it turns out, was very hard too.

Nui was very ambitious, but all her ambitions were all either petty or suicidal in nature. She relied almost entirely on her instincts when doing things and absolutely loves to improvise rather than plan. She was loyal to and cared about absolutely no one, save for her own mother, but even then that devotion was dubious. Nui was fearless, but only because she was convinced she could kill anyone and anything she wanted to in a blink of an eye.

Desperate to get off the girl's head, the Sorting Hat decided to use Nui's brashness as the basis for her placement and yelled out "Gryffindor! Gryffindor! I said Gryffinodor, just get me off her!"

Instead of cheers, the whole hall was in complete silence after the Sorting hat was removed. Nui let out a soft giggle and pranced her way over to the Gryffindor table. She tossed Uzu away from his seat and sat down next to Ryuko.

"Hey there cutie!" said Nui. "I can already tell we're going to be the best of friends…with benefits".


End file.
